The Battle[]
Birdo: (reading off a card) There is no reason to hold this battle because Sledge Bro will *** kill Thwimp in a hit or two.
Thwimp: Especially since I've been trapped between some blocks!
Sledge Bro: Ha ha! How wimpy!
Thwimp: I am not a wimp!
Sledge Bro: Sure, and I weigh under 5,000 pounds.
Birdo: I think we can see who the favorite player is. But regardless, it is time for me to introduce the players. Weighing down the Blue Corner and coming from Mario Bros. 3, it's Sledge Bro.
Sumo Bro: HIIIIIYAH!
Birdo: In the Red Corner, it's our returning champion, Thwimp!
Thwimp: I defeated Thwomp, and now I'll defeat you!
Birdo: And now I will ask a question of the champion. Thwimp, how do you feel that you are starting off this battle in a trap?
Thwimp: Well Birdo, I feel that this will be an excellent challenge for me. If I can win anyway, maybe people will stop calling me a wimp.
Birdo: On that note, let's go to Larry for the analysis.
Larry: It shouldn't take much to figure out that Thwimp has no chance. Both opponents have really good defense, but Sledge Bro is much bigger and has more attacks. Oh yeah, and Thwimp is stuck between some blocks. Back to you Birdo!
Birdo: Our spectator of the week is… the Millenium Star!
Millenium Star: Yeah! Wuh?
Birdo: Koopa Troopa, if you please.
Koopa Troopa: If I please what?
Birdo: Please start the battle.
Koopa Troopa: I don't feel like it.
Birdo: Oh.
Three hours later…
Koopa Troopa: Ok, I'm ready!
Birdo: Finally.
Koopa Troopa: Start!
Birdo: Sledge Bro starts off the battle by pounding the ground. But Thwimp is already bouncing around, and he's trapped anyway. There seems to be no effect.
Sledge Bro: Err! That's my best attack!
Thwimp: Ha! One nil to Thwimp!
Birdo: With Thwimp still unable to escape his corner and attack, it looks like Sledge Bro is going to start a hammer barrage… but none of the hammers can hit Thwimp! That's because Thwimp is a small moving target trapped within a small space- the hammers keep hitting the blocks that are trapping Thwimp.
Thwimp: What else ya got?
Sledge Bro: I'm gonna use my head! Well, at least my helmet. CHARGE!
Birdo: Sledge Bro is charging Thwimp! He whips off his helmet and is going to hit Thwimp with it. The blow is dead on- but oh! With Sledge Bro so close by Thwimp is able to score a bounce on Sledge's uncovered head! Oh! Oh! Sledge Bro's eyes are going all swirly! He's down!
Thwimp: Koopa Troopa?
Koopa Troopa: What?
Thwimp: …Is he down?
Koopa Troopa: No.
Thwimp: …Ok.
Birdo: Now Thwimp is jumping up and down on Sledge Bro.
Sledge Bro: Mo… mmy.
Thwimp: Koopa Troopa!
Koopa Troopa: Zzz…
Birdo: I… uh… think this battle is over. But as for the Millenium Star-
Roy: I've got him taken care of!
Roy pulls a lever.
Millenium Star: …
Roy: …Aw man! He's invincible!
Millenium Star: …Oh! End transmission!