Birdo: Welcome back to the Arena! With a surprise three-challenger match, this oughta be exciting!
Roy: I bet.
Birdo: So let's meet the lovely contestants!
Roy: Contestants?! This ain't no gameshow!
Birdo: That's nice dear. Our first challenger, holding down the Green Corner, is Spike, from Mario 3!
Spike: I'm baaack!
Birdo: You know our next challenger well. Taking control of the Yellow Corner and coming from Mario 3, Mario World, both Mario Karts, Mario 64, and all of the Parties, it's Thwomp!
Thwomp: Ooh yeah! Hey, some of my buddies have lost their spikes, but anyone who hits me will surely get the point. (Ooh I'm so witty!)
Birdo: Our incredible champion has appeared in so many games that I can't even think of them all. I know he didn't appear in Mario is Missing or Mario 2, but otherwise… um… well, here he is! In the Red Corner, your champion, Lakitu!
Lakitu: Well obviously I need no-
Lakitu: Uh, that Lah-kih-too, not-
Roy: Shut up! You're DQ'ed!
Lakitu: What? Disqualified?! How come?
Roy: Well for starters, your face makes me want to punch something. But also, you rigged the ballot two weeks straight… both choices ended up being a vote for you!
Lakitu: That was Lemmy's fault, not mine!
Roy: Suuure! Anyway, cheating by anyone other than myself is unacceptable, although I have to tell ya, that rigging the ballot idea is a great trick… I'll use it myself the next time I care who wins.
Lakitu: Yeah ok, fine, great, but-
Roy: GET OUT!
Lakitu: *sniff* Fine! I didn't want to come here anyway!
Lakitu flies away.
Birdo: …Well… it looks like we're back down to a one-on-one fight, but that's ok because we have two incredible opponents! Let's go to Larry for his analysis.
Larry: Uh, well, I was going to say Lakitu because he is too high for either Thwomp or Spike to reach, but-
Roy: Shaddap! The twerp says Lakitu.
Larry: But he-
Roy: Take him away!
No one wants to take Larry away but he disappears from the rest of this battle anyway.
Birdo: A heh heh… our spectator of the week is the one sitting in Seat 112… that's-
Birdo: No Morton, Seat 112 is your chair at the Interviews… here, the one in Seat 112 is Ptooie!
Ptooie: Someone… help me!
Birdo: I'm afraid that won't be possible seeing as how you are strapped and glued to the chair. If you did somehow get out of the hair you'd be leaving your main stalk behind.
Ptooie: …Oh bother!
Birdo: Well Roy, I think it's time to start it.
Roy: Sure, whatever. FIGHT!
Spike: Yeah, now that's what I've been waiting for!
Birdo: Spike makes the first move by hurling a spiked ball at Thwomp, but the ball lodges in Thwomp's own spikes and there is no damage done.
Spike: What the?
Thwomp: I can wait here all day! Next move please!
Spike: Oh, well how about THIS!
Birdo: Spike throws another spiked ball. Who would have guessed, there is no effect!
Thwomp: Is that the best you can do?
Spike: Okay, how this move is REALLY gonna scare ya!
Birdo: Oh, a new move! Spike seems to be doing a body slam and he… uh, well he just impaled himself.
Spike: *cough* Ough! *gasp*
Thwomp: Haha! No one can tough me… I'm invincible!
Spike: Well that's not fair! You gotta have a weakness!
Thwomp: Maybe, but not to you. I just realized I do have something to do today, so I'll have to finish you off now.
Spike: Wait, what are you gonna do? Wait, now c'mon now, what the?!
Birdo: Thwomp is lifting himself into the air… he moves over a little… centers himself over Spike, and… oh my… I don't think anyone could have survived being flattened by a spiked block.
Roy: One two three ten! Thwomp wins.
Thwomp: And you were expecting?
Birdo: That's it for this match… well, except for our poor audience member, Ptooie.
Ptooie: Blagadiblagadiblagadiblagadiblagadiblagadiblagadiblag! End transmission!